If You Love Something, Emasculate It.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

Dear MSNBC and Mariah Carey,
So, so, so sorry Nick can't be more like someone with limited credits who only plays himself. And while we're at it, Mariah, he seems to have made it in 3 industries (music, film, tv) while you've only managed to fuck your way to the top of one (music?).

WHY DO YOU PEOPLE REFUSE TO LISTEN TO HIS SHIRT???

Nick Cannon Uses Finger Guns to Illustrate Sarcasm in Headline

Marriage is the Best Thing That Ever Happened to Me

In a heartwarming display of paying lip-service in an effort to maintain the lifestyle to which he has quickly become accustomed, NC gushed to reporters that his marriage to Mariah Carey is "amazing." In Vegas, sans his amazing wife, Cannon even went so far as to show up to The Nightclub Friday wearing his wedding ring.

"Big ups to all my haters," indeed.